So this is how things are lately:
Go to sleep - cry beforehand and then not sleep much
Go to work - cry at least three times throughout the day
Go home - think "Thank God" because then I can cry without being seen
Talk to friends - try not to cry, kudos to those who assist with the process
Go running - feel like crying, but usually too exhausted
Go to health fair - hope coworkers don't notice the three pamphlets on stress and depression I pick up
Writing - try, doesn't make me feel better anymore, and I'm completely uninspired
Listen to music - soundtracks the best because they don't sing about heartbreak, love, or any of that crap because (you'll be so shocked) it makes me want to cry
Cook - manage to hold it together
Eat - not in the mornings, mostly not hungry, or crave nothing but carbs and starches
Worry - ALL THE TIME ABOUT EVERYTHING
Self-esteem - nope
Motivation - nyet
Desire to feel better - immense, but easily discouraged these days, and more prone to just panic about stuff
Life - bleak
Officially, I feel like crap.
Unofficially, I think I've got clinical depression, I can't wait for it to be Tuesday so I can finally meet with someone about it, and sometimes I wish I just wouldn't wake up in the morning.
Normally I'm pretty good at just daydreaming my sadness away, but I can't seem to make it work anymore. I used to be so good at bringing myself up when I was down, or at least letting other people lift me in quick time, but now, all I feel is empty and miserable and a burden to others. My thoughts trend to the more upsetting end of the spectrum, and I want to feel like my old self, but I don't think that's possible. Too much has gone wrong in my life this year, and I don't see a silver lining to any of it. I don't see a future for me.